I needed a shower... I needed to my 2 week old half cleaned bum washed I needed something softer than fiberglass casts for other reasons
...like to see any of you there put up with that and then feel like they couldn't talk about it. It was the biggest challenges involved with the experience... you there people among you who sit on your holier than thou seats. Shame on you bastards!
nawww now you made me feel bad MD . I do sympathise for you, I'm sure we all do, but I know I don't know what to say because I've never been in the situation. But by the sounds of it, it was a strange time for you. Hmmm... don't know what to say so I'll leave it at that. *whispers to other eblah-ers* HELP ME....
I'm just being a big baby. But it's all better now because at least one person said something... anything. It wasn't the most elegant post but I didn't expect such loud silence, so thank you maf-you.
The robes you have to wear two of them, one forward and one backwards. That way you're arse doesn't say hello to everyone when you're walking away. If you're really tall though, then you have to sit with your legs together and without slouching like a girl in miniskirt.
How many operations have you had Dara?
Here's a long winded answer to "how did I do anything": I managed to learn to sort of do just about everything but until the pain went away I could, for example, just barely hold a fork between two fingers. The cast went up to my knuckles and held my thumb out so it was hard at first... I'm trying to remember, I think I might have even drove with them on. Not sure. I was living in a halfway house for drug and alcohol when this happened so there wasn't a shortage of people to ask to cut up my meat for me. I'd try to ask things on rotating basis. After a couple weeks I was able to manipulate things without being in agony. Right away I know people are wondering how I wiped my bum. I made gigantic bunches of toilet paper and lots of them, but the first week.. oh man I don't want to talk about it. I wore scrubs because the pants were really easy, otherwise it took like forever to get dressed and somtimes I had to ask for help with the fly which was annoying for other people. That, and after a couple weeks I could put deoderant under one arm, but I couldn't reach the other. There was only one guy in house of 16 that would do it for me.
I found out my insurance covered a nurse to come and take care of me, so I used that. I hadn't showered in two weeks because I still wasn't able to get anything over my casts securely, and everyone got really squeemish when it came to that. So this nurse comes, I get naked, she puts plastic things over my casts, and I go into the shower. It's just the way it is... I'm standing there naked with another person who has lathery soap and rubbing all over my body... things expand. They just do. It's the way it works. There's no way around it. It was embarrasing, but I was more interested in having a shower.... oh she wasn't ugly by any means btw either, but I'm not sure it would have mattered and wasn't the thing on my mind BUT if she had started vigorously washing me with a slippery lather down there until I found myself moaning I wouldn't have argued. Anyway, it was embarrassing but I'm thinking it's not a big deal because she's a professional, this is what her job entails, I need a shower very badly and I'm damn well going to have one. She didn't wash my bum properly though and I had to tell her "Wash my bum" except we say butt in the US. So she does but just the cheeks and I have to be more specific "Wash..." oh man it's too embarrassing to type here but we all know what I'm saying, and I had to be very specific and repeat myself after the "pardon?". But wait there's more, because it's been 2 WEEKS and she didn't get any... I had to tell her "my balls too" and "but underneath too" and then she finally just did a proper job. I'm thinking to myself "The woman goes to people's houses and showers them every day... what's the problem here?" and just sort of tried to write it off in my own head as I don't remember what, but afterwards when she dried me off and I was dressed, I ask her, and just to make myself feel better and fully expecting to hear "Oh yeah no big deal"... I say "I hope that wasn't too uncomfortable for you" and she says "Well actually, I usually do women and when it's men it's older men who've lost their.... (she pauses here looking for the word)... nobility." I still didn't really care. I got a shower and it felt really good to be clean and I was getting one the next day too. I didn't care if my nurse was a woman that didn't feel comfortable with it... I wasn't making any attempts at her and I wasn't being disrespectful or rude. The next day, she knocks on the door and someone says "Dean!" so I come out and it's a guy who is as gay as Carson from Queer eye and says in an enthusiatic voice. An enthusiastic voice in general, toward his job and meeting me I reckon but not toward my hot man body, "Hi my name's James and I'm going to be your personal nurse from the blah blah nursing service" I told the guy I was tired, he took my blood pressure, left, and I stopped answering the door. I didn't know how to approach it. I learned fairly quickly that if i took an oversize insence holder and big trash bags, that I could shove the thing in the hand part of one cast, then use the other end to push the ends of the bag into the arm end of the other cast and vice versa. Then, I ended up tying a shirt to the giant insence holder and shoved the other end into one of the casts. It was crude, but with time and effort, I never had to face my fear of having a gay man wash my most likely erect penis. After a while it was kind of second nature and there wasn't anything I couldn't do with a little extra work. My roomate at the time had been in a bad fire years before we met, and his hands were well burnt down to stubs. On one hand he had fingers up to almost where his knuckles used to be and all his thumb and on the other he had no fingers except he still had most his pinky which he used like a little hook and half a thumb. There wasn't much he couldn't do. He was facinating. Great guy too and then one day he relapsed and I've never seen someone regress into trash so quickly as him.
The other thing people ask is... okay so like basically what would happen is two weeks would pass and then I'd be so horny that it didn't matter is that all I could do is grab skin with my finger and thumb tips and shake it vigorously. Things built up enough to where that was dandy, and very necisarry. I was managing another halfway house a little while later and the people there at the time were all kids and all coming from either the court system directly or were waiting on court dates and hoping to gain a good referance fro us when they left. One day I was getting asked about it by them and someone brought that up and I explained it, that things just get desparate enough that a little bit is sufficiant and one of them says "Why don't just make a feef?" and they all started debating wheather or not I could use a feef and how I'd use the feef exactly and they were getting pissed off at each other about it and I was panicing because they were mad at each other and arguing and no one was listening to me and I thought I was never going to be addressed because I kept saying "What's a feef?" ("what is this magical device of pleasure you speak of yet explain not you cruel children ) They were well into arguing about where and when it was appropriate to use a feef in jail and the weird places they'd seen people in jail use them... and the wierd ways they'de seen people use them. Finally after fear that my question would go unaswered, I was told the mystery of the feef. Later that day, when I thought everyone was too preocupied with other things to wonder if I had made one yet....
Yeah, so it wasn't that bad. It just looked bad. The first few days were very, very hard, and the first couple weeks sucked, but that was about it.
I hope your ear doesn't fall off Dara.
I didn't reply because I've been writing my essay on Brave New World (due tomorrow, haven't done.. much!) Anyway, firstly I've had 3, toes as a 2 year old, then teeth and ear.
It's funny how you learn to do things differently when you're prevented from doing it normally. I know what you mean, about things that would normally be so embarrassing, you are more relieved just to get it done, than to be embarrassed. Oh gosh I can't spell anymore I think that would have been an awkward situation (with the nurse), for both of you. But then, she's getting paid to do it, it's her job, she sounds pretty rude to me. She probably got the wrong idea though. I have no idea what you mean with the incense holder. :S
What is a feef? :O
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Everyone's staying away from me with this? Not even a "I would have helped with the deodorant thing MD"?
I'm just being a big baby. .........but I didn't expect such loud silence, so thank you maf-you.
Yeah...you are a big baby. I didn't read it at first (because it was tooo long a story and I didn't have time, then) but now have. My comments: ...hope that first poor nurse wore gloves. ...why didn't you have a bath? ...a hair dryer is a good way to dry those hard to get places ...putting on deoderant would be a problem, and so necessary ...a hand held shower would do the job (especially after using the toilet!) You can get ones that attach to any tap ...you paid for nurse, why not other proffessional? (don't see how that 'feef' would work with out batteries) ...aren't you glad you have 'eblah friends' now who can offer words of wisdom and be concerned for you
GOODBYE fellow eBlah's .....it sure has been nice meeting yo'all here and I will miss everyone of you
Yeah...you are a big baby. I didn't read it at first (because it was tooo long a story and I didn't have time, then) but now have. My comments: ...hope that first poor nurse wore gloves. ...why didn't you have a bath? ...a hair dryer is a good way to dry those hard to get places ...putting on deoderant would be a problem, and so necessary ...a hand held shower would do the job (especially after using the toilet!) You can get ones that attach to any tap ...you paid for nurse, why not other proffessional? (don't see how that 'feef' would work with out batteries) ...aren't you glad you have 'eblah friends' now who can offer words of wisdon and be concerned for you
Have just had the time to read your post properly Dean, regarding the hurdles of having the casts on after your op. My sister was very fortunate she had her husband with whom she had been married for at least 30 years at that time and who knew her body intimately. If I had been one of your friends Dean I would have had no problem in cleaning you because I am a Mum and Mum’s do all kinds of things for their Children. I would just switch to Mum mode. Must have been so hard relying on other’s. You must have smelled gamey after two weeks! You could of asked for a straight man nurse OR a more mature female who wasn’t so unprofessional. My Mum gets showered by both males and females every night now she is in semi care. She is pretty small so it doesn’t take long. Not that she can’t shower herself it’s just for safety they do it. Up here a couple of weeks ago at a Noosa shopping centre an electrician fell from the roof, through a skylight landing on the Centre’s floor 5 meters below, and lived! Not sure what his condition is now. MD was that in Australia or the US where you had your accident? I think the lack of replies to your post MD was because of the shock of what happened to you and what you went through PLUS it’s hard to find words for something that horrid. ‘Holy Crap’ does not even come close to expressing our feelings!
Dara, you asked about the Incense holder and the 'feef', honey even I don't know what the hell a 'feef' is but I expect it has to do with a man pleasuring himself and that is as much as we need to know, as far as I am concerned. Incense holder... don't want to know.
I think it was because I talked about my penis I really am sorry for the long posts though. I post on another forum and was occasionally writing ones so long that they never got read, so there, I now sometimes will be in the middle of something and go on a serious rant... like literally 2 hours of typing whatever comes into my head. It's great because the only people who bother to read are facinated, or they wouldn't read, and everyone else ignores it, so it's sort of a love me or never knew otherwise situation.
thanks for the replies now It happened in the US Suzi. I'm glad someone would have washed me. At he time I found one guy who would but then he said "hell no" when I made sure he realized that some parts of the body get gross quicker than others, and needed the most attention.
Candy, I thought I was your big baby along with being everyone else's big baby though Also, that "poor nurse"... I don't remember if she had gloves. She did have my scrunchy thingy though, so it was actually more like she was washing me with a slightly abrasive thing with lots of suds than her hands. I don't look back on it and think "poor nurse". I've seen and heard of far worse things in nursing and being a home nurse sounds pretty easy in comparison to an ER nurse for example, and showering even a homeless guy seems to me to be far better than the job other nurses get.
We had a hand held shower btw. I wasn't able to grip it any way at all initially. It was basically a matter of ruining entire shirts at first, and then once the pain didn't interfere so badly I was better equipped. At first my fingers had no strength at all because of the pain. I didn't really realize it was the pain though, so it wasn't that painfully painfull, just painful and I didn't know it.
Other professionals aren't legal in the US in general and you don't get one unless it's someone walking the street. There's escort services which operate and I priced one while at work one day, not because I was going to use it but because we were all sitting around talking about it and wondered how much it would cost... $500 US in 2000... at that time, that was $1000 AU. So yeah... expensive. When I woke up from one of my surgeries, and you wake up really groggy, one of the nurses was immediatly hitting on me from the moment I could sit up. When you first open your eyes you don't sit up right away because you still feel the anesthetic and aren't sure if you'lle fall off the bed if you sit upright, but it passes fairly quickly. Still though, I didn't even understand that she was sending me 50 signals per sentance. I was so out out of it that when she said "You probably need to pee because we pumped you full of fluids" I had to stop, assess that, and conclude "Oh man, I've got to pee like hell!" I had to be told... and she was hitting on me. I think she reckoned I was eye candy at the time, but at the same time maybe she had gotten addicted to the narcotics in the office, and they're really tightly controlled so it's hard to get away with there and you go on a national blacklist if you're caught and won't ever be allowed in nursing again... it's not just losing your license but an actual blacklist. Anyway, she was offering me pain pills within 10 or 15 minutes of me coming around so that got me thinking.
They do a courtousy call the next day to see how you are. I had just barely figured out that she was hitting on me so hard right before I left and she was actually really good looking and I was a materialistic pig at the time. I felt really disapointed when I finally got it, and then more dissapointed that I was so groggy that I wasn't able to show any enthusiasm back. The next day someone did the courtousy call, and then at the end of the conversation, said, and I don't remember her name so I'll make one up, "Okay well also Susan says Hi", and I had been woken up by the call so again... I didn't get it. "Who the hell is Susan?" So just said "Yeah okay." But a week later, good lord did I wish I had remembered who Susan was. I was living in a halfway house for drug and alcohol at the time and I had been manging the place but not as an employee, as a resident, and... everything considered it just was better not to find out, but as for my circumstances, I had been clean from drugs for 6 months and hence had no money yet... at all really, and it was a community of 16 guys with one of the rules I was enforcing was that women couldn't be in our bedrooms, so while a nurse was okay, a nurse and sex noises wouldn't have been... and I had an idea that she had drug problem and didn't want to explore it. So unless there's a place to go and person to go with on a fairly regular basis, it wasn't a real option. I didn't have a place to go to even bother, realistically speaking.
And yes, I'm glad I have eblah friends that can offer words of wisdom (like the nurse needing to wear gloves to touch me ) but I was more a baby because I made a big long post about gross showering and toilet troubles, and uncomfotable naked situations with being showered, and masturbating, and it felt like I killed the entire thread. Also, I've never seen anything for guys that had batteries that worked well or looked like it might work well. And Dara, a feef is like a makeshift fleshlight type thing using a sock and plastic bag with lubricant and then whatever wrapped around the sock to distract a guys brain from the fact that it's his own hand there. Please don't google fleshlight if you don't know what it is, I feel kind of split about the education since it still sometimes seems like you were 13 just yesterady.
I think I was supposed to read A Brave New World too, but I managed to graduate without doing my assignments. It was harder and more stressful that way, and I got horrible grades, but at the time it seemed like it was easier.
I guess we can all start talking about Dara's ear again now.
Other professionals aren't legal in the US in general and you don't get one unless it's someone walking the street. There's escort services which operate and I priced one while at work one day, not because I was going to use it but because we were all sitting around talking about it and wondered how much it would cost... $500 US in 2000... at that time, that was $1000 AU. So yeah... expensive.
Please don't google fleshlight if you don't know what it is, I feel kind of split about the education since it still sometimes seems like you were 13 just yesterady.
I think I was supposed to read A Brave New World too, but I managed to graduate without doing my assignments. It was harder and more stressful that way, and I got horrible grades, but at the time it seemed like it was easier.
I read most of your long posts, unless it's a boring topic like industrial relations.
Oh good I thought that was what Candy meant but I didn't like to say anything in case I was wrong.
re Brave New World, Tasman I think that story is a classic.... In the 1930's, it was amazing (I would think...I wasn't born then), but old hat now. What do you have to do with it? (apart from reading it )
GOODBYE fellow eBlah's .....it sure has been nice meeting yo'all here and I will miss everyone of you
I don't know where I would like my ashes spread. I'd prefer to be buried but cremation seems to be the way to go nowadays. You know ...it pays to know the answers to things like this
Personally, I don't care whether I'm buried or cremated. There is one condition though, but I don't think I'll bring that up because it could open a can of worms, and we certainly don't need that at the moment.
Worms… dead bodies… maf-you… do you realise how funny that is? I want to be cremated, even know how much it would cost in today’s market and keep my funeral fund up to that. Drop my corpse off at the Funeral home/crematorium, have me cremated privately then divide my ashes between my two ‘children’ and they can carry them around in beautiful urns (like the girl on Bed of Roses) or chuck ‘em somewhere nice (rain forest/creek/cliff top)! My daughter wants to be burnt on a Pyre and my son wants to be buried in a flash coffin. We discuss these things in my family otherwise, who's to know what you want. I would like to donate any viable organs, my son doesn't want to donate any (in case he isn't dead! ) and I am not sure but imagine my daughter may want to donate organs as well. My Mum is to be cremated and interred over my Dad's coffin (which he is already in). My granny who died at 100+ years last september was cremated and interred in the family gravesite with her husband and parents.
I needed a shower... I needed to my 2 week old half cleaned bum washed 
Logged
) They were well into arguing about where and when it was appropriate to use a feef in jail and the weird places they'd seen people in jail use them... and the wierd ways they'de seen people use them.
I think that would have been an awkward situation (with the nurse), for both of you. But then, she's getting paid to do it, it's her job, she sounds pretty rude to me. She probably got the wrong idea though. I have no idea what you mean with the incense holder. :S
