Taz....What a frustrating Email. Dont think I want to become a monk!
and now for a touch of Aussie humour
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said,
'Faaaaaaaark dude... How much water did you drink?!'
GOODBYE fellow eBlah's .....it sure has been nice meeting yo'all here and I will miss everyone of you
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.
Paddy said, 'i haven't got da fingers.'
'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers? Lord tunderin' Jesus, it's 2009! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'
And Paddy said, ' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!
Last week was my 35th birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alonel 'Happy Birthday.' I thought...Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go! We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead to go to a quiet bistro with a private table..… We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we? 'I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.'I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.…Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday.'And I just sat there... On the couch...…………….Naked
A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd Buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and Explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have Anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... The Magic Penis!'
The husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an Ordinary dildo.
The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away At the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that A crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return To box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had Been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, Opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.' The penis shot to her Crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, She became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it Out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it Off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest Hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the Road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for Her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop Screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah Right.... Magic Penis, my a**...!'
A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco . Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered.
They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember...
...THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!
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A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health
When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,
Logged
oh no...how embarrassment 
