A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to looked shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price betweem male and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice." said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they have been used."
DEMOCRACY = Voters deciding by Poll on who will be the local member that "Big Business" will push around.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To NEVER tell a human that The world is really ruled by CATS!
A guy was working in his garden over the weekend and looking around, he realised that he couldn't find the rake. He looked up at the bedroom window and saw his wife was about to take a shower.
He yelled up to his wife, "Where is the rake?!!" She couldn't hear him, so she shouted back, "What?!!" He pointed to his eye, then to his knee and made a raking motion. When his wife wasn't sure, she called out "WHAT???!!!" He repeated the gestures, "Eye - Kneed - the Rake"
His wife signalled with a thumbs-up that she understood and signalled back. She first pointed to her eye, then to her left breast, then she pointed to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one. Exasperated, he went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that???" She replied, "Eye - Left Tit - Behind - the Bush"!!!
One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.
After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"
The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!"
She replies, "Oh, I see!"
After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.
Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?"
The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!"
She replies, "Oh, I see!"
Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.
"Oh my!" she cries, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin'" he chuckles proudly, "That's ma'rope!"
She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.
"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!"
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?"
"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
A 5-year old boy was visiting his Grandma, playing with toys while she was dusting her bedroom. He looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, I DO. My TV is my boyfriend. It keeps me company all day long, and in the evenings I can watch it in here from my bed. The TV preachers make me feel good, the comedies make me laugh and the dramas keep my mind off my own problems. Yes, dear, the TV is my boyfriend!" Grandma went over to turn on the TV but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, turning the aerial, trying to get a focused picture. Finally, frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV,hoping to jar it into focus. Just then the doorbell rang. The little boy ran to answer it and there was his grandma's minister. "Hello, son," the minister said, "Is your grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend." ...
1. Men are like ..Laxatives...They irritate the crapout of you. 2. Men are like .Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like .Weather... Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like .Commercials... You can't believe all they say. 7. Men are like .Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like .Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like .Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like .Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like .Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like .Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like .Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
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