HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better". The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?" And the Lord said, "They are rules for living". "Can you give us an example?" "Thou shall not kill." "Not kill? We're not interested."

God then went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments". The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and Mother." "Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments." The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal." "Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments." The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery." "Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments". "Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?" "They're free." "We'll take 10."

Having a bad day?

Well, then consider this...

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed,
on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical
condition.  This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with  the supernatural.  No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths  occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.  The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.  Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.  Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could  use the vacuum cleaner.

Still a bad day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdex spill in
Alaska was $80,000.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers.  A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.  Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.  Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.  Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.  The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?  Still having a bad day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it.  Forgetting it was the
bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.


There now, feeling better?  

Sad and misquoted.  The 'There now, feeling better?' was not at the end of that particular quote.

Sorry Paula, it was completely unintentional I can assure you.
I have deleted my offending message.

ENGLISH OF TOMORROW -  EU ANNOUNCEMENT


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.


In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.


Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.


By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".


During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.


Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.


Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.


If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

lol good one.

haha..that was fun^^ i actually spoke in a german accent, surprised me

In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"

Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?" He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"

Q: What do Steve Irwin and Peter Brock have in common?...





A: They both can't handle fish-tales.

Quoted from Lawnbowler

..."I would want silicone...Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"

Q. What is Cupid's favourite past-time?





A. Love making.

LMAO rofl hahaha!

Hahaha that is so funny!

hehe XD~!!