Tuesday 4 May 1999
By eBroadcast Staff and agencies.

A Chicago City Council member asks the TV host a question that unfortunately isn't addressing one of his spicy girlfriends

'I like my cigars like I like my women: Cheap.'

TV's most eligible bachelor is starting to feel the pinch, Chicago-style. The fights that have fueled the show's ratings are now in serious jeopardy. Springer has been called out, and it's time for him to fess up: Are they real or fake? The fights, that is.

Springer has definitely painted himself into a corner on this one. If the fights are indeed staged, he has lied to fans, having insisted on several occasions that they are the real McCoy. If the fights are real, Chicago Police will soon be ready to arrest anyone who decides to throw down and book them on assault charges. And we all know what happened to the ratings when Springer got rid of the fights, don't we? (If you haven't clued in yet, they went down, much like all of Springer's girlfriends.)

Yes, Springer fans, it looks like the beginning of the end for the show that has, for so long, defied the odds by outdoing Oprah, Rush, Sally Jesse and the rest of the bunch.

The whole mess was started by a local Chicago priest who has been campaigning against Springer's show, and more specifically the show's content, for years. The priest has also been involved in the fight against tobacco and alcohol advertising in the city, even getting arrested on several occasions for vandalizing billboards and bus stop benches. He's also in the running for "World's Most Uptight Citizen."

The fight has led Alderman Edward Burke, senior member of Chicago's City Council, and other council members to invite Springer to testify at a hearing to determine the nature of the brawls on his cheesy show. If Springer will not come voluntarily, Burke is prepared to serve a subpoena. Police officials have stated that they will not arrest panel members for assault if the fights are staged.

Either way, it looks like the former Mayor of Cincinnati might be finding a new career. For the sake of humanity (and smut fans), we would like to suggest Springer rule out porn.