The battle of conservative morals vs. hilarious idiocy wages on, and the King of all Media claims a victory over no less an fierce opponent than actress Shirley Jones - better known to millions as "Mrs. Partridge." That's right, kids - a wacky song and a tacky outfit won't beat down our reigning Sultan of Sleaze.
Just last week, Jones and her husband, Marty Ingels, were proud, card-carrying members of the Parents Television Council (PTC), a group of boring "morals"-flaunting conservatives who have it out for Stern. They've been waging a mighty war against the show and are trying to get Stern off the air altogether. But after an impromptu appearance on Stern's radio show, Jones and Ingels were asked to leave the group. Whether it was a mutual decision or a kicked-through-a-plate-glass-window exit depends on whom you speak with.
In a stellar ambush attack, Stern, on the East Cost, rang up Jones and Ingels, on the West Coast, early one morning while on the air. Against the explicit wishes of the PTC, Ingels got on the horn and proceeded to discuss the PTC's Stern-hatred in no uncertain terms. While we're sure that Ingels can handle basic discussions his other fascinating family-values friends, he's no match for Stern, especially not on Stern's turf. In fact, even Jones and Ingels themselves admit that the discussion was completely "disastrous." Ingels spent too much time laying a personal attack on Stern that he couldn't even address the larger issue at hand.
"I spent 35 minutes telling him what a horrible human being he is," said Ingles. "I killed him and cut his head off, told him he was a nice Jewish boy with a foul mouth. But even Shirley said, 'You were much too angry.'" Yeah, we'd say that cutting someone's head off is maybe getting a bit too angry.
"I think my conversation with Howard was so horrendous, [the PTC] threw me out. He's got a big victory." And what good's a victory if you don't gloat? No good, as Stern proved on his next show.
Of course, the PTC won't admit that Ingels and Jones were booted from the ranks. That wouldn't show a high level of morals, now would it? No, instead, they all came to the nicey-nice decision that perhaps the two black sheep should get the hell out. "After the Howard Stern show, all involved--myself, [organization chairman] Brent Bozell, Marty and Shirley--agreed it would be best if they stepped down from their positions on the advisory board," said Executive Director Mark "Most Boring Man on Earth" Honig.
It seems that even before this mishap, Jones wasn't exactly the most dedicated member of the PTC. Or perhaps she just wasn't particularly good at paying attention. Last year, she made a guest appearance on Melrose Place, one of the shows which just happens to be on the PTC's "Dirty Dozen" list because of its sexual content. Oooh, sex. Scary! "She didn't even know Melrose Place was on the list at the time," said Ingels. What, she doesn't know how to read the list?
Ingels is convinced that Jones left not because she was asked, but because she's a "Stand By Your Man" kind of gal. He also said that listening to Stern actually made her question the PTC altogether.
"Some of the things [Stern] talked about caught Shirley's eye," he explained. "She went back and looked at some of the shows [in the "Dirty Dozen"], and she got on the
telephone right after the Howard Stern show and resigned."
Hey, maybe she'll even appear nude on the next Howard Stern show. We always did sort of wonder what went on under that bell-bottomed jump suit…
